A Rant Against the Pickup Artist Community

I don’t care about sex. By itself it’s just fleeting pleasure. Every time I have sex now I end up just wanting to cuddle and do pillow talk because what I’m really after is intimacy. I want to feel close to someone, share my innermost thoughts with them, have them care about me. Boning like wild animals is just an added bonus, it’s not the main focus. Never has it been more clear in my life that I need a girlfriend over a mere fuckbuddy.

Another mindfuck is that the more women I hook up with, the more I realize that pick-up advice is phenomenally full of shit. These really hot women I’ve been with tell me that I’m cute and come across as innocent, adorable even. This is exactly the opposite of how men want to come across: They want to appear as dominant alpha male badasses. And yet my being innocent and adorable is predominantly the reason they give for liking me. And I can tell that these ladies get more out of mushy, romantic pillow talk and moments of bonding than marathon sport fucking.


Smartphone Addiction

I’ve been doing a lot of walking lately, on the order of 2-3 hours per day. What I’ve noticed is people are dangerously addicted to their phones. On almost every block there is at least one person both walking and either texting, reading, or talking to someone else on the phone. Combine this with the number of people listening to music while engaging in these behaviors and what you see is a crisis of technological slavery. It’s a quiet epidemic because although this type of behavior is undoubtedly becoming more common, nobody seems to care. Everyone’s just complicitly getting sucked into this smartphone based coma without the slightest resistance.



Quit This Ridiculous Hate Mob Against Jimmy Kimmel

If you look on Jimmy Kimmel’s youtube channel, you’ll see something rather strange: Just about every single video has an enormous amount of dislikes. Usually when a video gets disliked that much, there’s a good reason for it. I had a look at some of the videos with 80% dislikes and didn’t see anything particularly wrong or offensive about them. Then I read the comments and saw a few mentions about pissed off gamers. It turns out he made a 2 minute clip taking jabs at the release of Youtube Gaming, a gaming service with heavy emphasis on streaming similar to Twitch.tv.


Is That All There Is To It?

For the longest time I’ve been suffering from existential misery. I get immersed in thoughts about how I ought to live my life, how my lifestyle should be, as though my current lifestyle were always inadequate. There’s always this deep rooted insecurity that despite whatever grand intelligence I think I have, I am going about my life all wrong.

Landing this new career defining job has caused a paradigm shift in the way that I think. Almost all of my life problems that I’ve had are about to vanish into thin air. I don’t need to be so frugal with my money that I always have to buy meat at the grocery store on sale. I can take a cab on the weekend. I can buy nice clothes. I can replace my running shoes that have holes in them. I don’t have to worry about going over my credit limit. And so on and so forth. All of these problems are, on the surface, practical issues revolving around how to live through poverty. But it’s not just that. This career frees me from the insidious dependence on my parents for financial support. Much of my adult life has been about achieving independence. Now that I can fully pay my own expenses, I have removed the last chain withholding me from being a truly independent adult. But beyond that, every experience that I’ve been deprived of due to insufficient funds has suddenly become available to me.


Nightclubs and Insecurity

I hate nightclubs. I find nightclub environments sleazy, overcrowded, chaotic, and can’t stand how the loud music ruins any ability to hold a decent conversation. And yet, for some reason I can’t come to terms with this preference of mine. I always try to believe that I’m just doing it wrong. If I figured out the night scene and could hook up with a hot girl every time I went out, my outlook would be very different. And when I see attractive women always flock to clubs like bees to honey, it makes me feel like I’m just wasting valuable opportunities again and again. And so every time I go to a club and come back home alone, I get very stressed out and cannot sleep despite the late hour. Even when I do hook up, it feels underwhelming and I continue to wonder what the big deal is. I’ve only ever had one truly satisfying one-night stand, but even that wasn’t particularly great because it was temporary. You have a night of passion and then it’s over. You move on with your life and nothing’s really changed.

I’ve tried going out just to have fun and not caring about hooking up, but it doesn’t work. I might have fun dancing like a buffoon for an hour or so, but then I get bored and undergo this mental shift where all I can think about is scoring the glorious poo tang. And then I’m reminded of all the bitchiness and outright hostility I have to deal with just to find a lady that’s receptive, and I can’t even be bothered anymore. I hate that since it’s virtually impossible to talk in a loud nightclub, you’re basically forced to grind, often without making eye contact. Most of the time I can’t even bring myself to do it because it just feels so primitive, borderline perverted and wrong, something only a total douchebag would do. And even if you can overcome this mental hurdle, the girl often leaves you after 5-10 minutes of dancing. So then you’re so worried about that happening that you can’t even enjoy that actual experience.


Stress Defines You [Part 2] – The Success Story

In part 1, I outlined my personal experience as a young adult who didn’t know how to constructively cope with stress and how it resulted in delaying my university graduation by 4 whole years. In that time frame, I was also lonely, depressed and completely dependent on my parents and government bursaries for financial support. I would frequently go to bed past 3 in the morning and wake up past 1 in the afternoon. It was just a completely awful time in my life. But through years of therapy and a vicious will for self-improvement, I have completely turned my life around. The key component in this transformation has been my ability to handle stress, which is what I’ll be talking about in great detail.


Stress Defines You [Part 1] – A Cautionary Tale

I’m beginning to realize that the way you cope with stress and anxiety is enormously influential in how you live your life. It is imperative that you come up with good habits to deal with stress or risk letting your life fall victim to avoidant behaviors.

I used to cope with stress by playing videogames all the time. When I came to terms with how addictive and all-consuming videogames were in my life, I forced them out. I sold all my consoles and games and never looked back. At least I wish that’s what happened. Instead, I always had this void that  drew me back into the videogame world. Whereas I didn’t let myself play videogames anymore (a rule I even broke when I got into the habit of speedrunning, something I might talk about in the future), I still ended up finding myself watching others play on Twitch. My craving for this form of escapism was so strong that it led to this ridiculous behavior of watching others streaming themselves playing videogames. Now even when I cut out this behavior, I still found myself watching a lot of downloaded TV shows. I’m talking watching 2-3 whole seasons of The Wire in one day, literally the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out, with hour-long naps interspersed in between to cope with the massive lethargy this binge watching was causing.